


In Accordance With One's Nature

by devilsnowcandy



Category: Journey into Mystery
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Spoilers, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilsnowcandy/pseuds/devilsnowcandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Spoilers for JIM 645)  In the few moments Loki has to himself after speaking to Thor, he is afraid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Accordance With One's Nature

**Author's Note:**

> (Spoilers up to and including Journey Into Mystery 645) Basically, this covers what happens between Loki's last conversation with Thor and his last confrontation with Ikol.

Thor lets go first. 

“All right, now?” he says. His hand is heavy on Loki’s shoulder, warm and comforting. “No more of this talk, of you going bad or me… me ending you. It won’t happen, little brother. I know it won’t. I promise you.”

He smiles, and Loki wipes his eyes and tries very hard to smile back. He thinks it probably comes out as more of a grimace, because Thor’s smile falters. His eyes search Loki’s, worrying. Loki can imagine the questions behind them – _more bad dreams, little brother? Have people been saying cruel things?_ \- and is beyond grateful that he doesn’t ask them, only pats his shoulder reassuringly before bending to lift Mjolnir. 

“Things will look better once you’ve had some proper rest,” he tells Loki. He gestures in the direction of Loki’s room – the one he’s officially been given, not the one he actually sleeps in, though they’re close enough to one another – and says with a grin, “Want a lift?”

Loki shakes his head. “It’s alright. I think I’ll stay here a little while.”

Thor gives him that keen look again, but he must decide he should give his little brother his privacy because he nods. “See you in the morning, then.”

Loki can’t bring himself to say _yes._ “Thor,” he begins, and Thor turns.

 _I love you,_ he wants to say, but if he does Thor will only be overjoyed and happy and fall all the more easily to whatever cruel plans Ikol crafts for him.

“Sleep well,” he ends up settling with, and Thor returns the sentiment with a fond smile.

And he leaves Loki in the garden, standing quite still and quiet.

 _Are you done, Loki?_ whispers his other self’s voice, and he folds his arms around himself.

He gazes around the garden aimlessly. Yes, he’s done. There’s nothing else to do. Leah is safe, wherever and whenever she is. Thor is… Thor is Thor, and there’s nothing Loki can do about that.

He has no reason to delay, and yet delay he does. Moment by moment, staring without seeing at the flowers and foliage. He remembers the moment he woke up in the streets of Paris, alone and afraid – he remembers the timbre of Laufey’s voice, his huge and terrible form – he remembers that chase through the underground train system - _“What if I am everything I fear?”_

He’s remembering – a thousand things. The too-warm touch of Frigga’s hand as she tucked a rose behind his ear. The wild, free feeling of flying with Thor. The stew that Volstagg’s wife once served to him. The brimstone stench that heralded Daimon’s appearance. The fiercely vindicated joy he felt when he first saw the sisterhood freed of Bor’s curse.

He read a phrase, once. A Midgardian saying. “Your life flashes before your eyes before you die.”

But this isn’t death. No Valhalla or place in Hel awaits him, no long imprisonment in Limbo. He just… won’t be, anymore.

What will non-being be like?

He’s shivering, though Frost Giants don’t feel cold. 

He’s done, he’s done, it’s time to go. But he can’t. Not yet. He’s trying to fix in his mind everything that he was, everything he could have been. Running through the streets of Paris, stealing food from Asgardia’s kitchens, tending to Thor, pulling up that video of the roll of rick on his Starkphone to annoy Leah - _Leah_. Leah as she is, free to be whatever she wishes – Leah as she was, bound by duty – the pain of her punches, always lighter than those he received from any of his fellow Asgardians – the way her face would twist into an almost smile when she tried not to laugh – the way she frowned in concentration when drinking a milkshake – the way she complained about Thori, who never wanted to be anything other than what he was – the way she so easily accepted her doom.

It’s that, the memory of her calm face as Hela retook her, which enables him to stop his shaking. He takes a deep breath.

 _”Sacrifice is in my nature,”_ she had told him. It is in his, too. From the moment Ikol revealed himself he knew his time was limited, for all that he told himself otherwise.

So he raises his head and goes to meet his worst fear. With his last words he poses a challenge. One last bid to save the Nine Realms from himself.

And as he swallows the lie, he feels himself – his joys and loves and fears and hopes – fade, become muted and faint, disappear under layers of malice and hatred and spite and – 

Loki is whole once more.


End file.
